Begin Again

Today I took a Children's Literature course hoping to make a new start.
I learned a lot.  I now know how to turn a story into a manuscript and also the next steps.
I want to write, I have a lot to say.  I've had many experiences, and I know that I can entertain children, I've had four of my own and have become a pretty good story teller in that amount of time.

BUT... there's a problem,
I am so overwhelmed by this cross that I bear, there is so much sorrow in my soul, that I don't think I can write a nice little story for kids at this point in my life.  I have a desperate need to let these sorrows rain from my heart and share MY story.  The thing that wont leave me alone for even a moment from the dark night to the crack of dawn.  It has become a part of every waking minute, and often is the subject of my nightmares.

I lost my son.  He is not physically dead, but he has ostracized me from his life and being estranged is no less painful, and perhaps without as much closure as a death would have been.
I am in utter and complete hell.  I don't know how to face another day without screaming this out of my brain and writing it for someone else to see.

This Blog was named "Desperations" 2 years ago.  This is the first time I have written WHY.